Thanks, Subway. I’ve never felt more used than when I saw that Peter Griffin from The Family Guy touting Subway’s new sandwich—’The Feast’.

Where’s your goddamn integrity Subway? What won’t you do to sell a sandwich? I gave up my livelihood for years, eating nothing but bland turkey, shredded lettuce, and plasticy green peppers. Now this fat-ass cartoon character steals my steam and you have the gall to rub it in my face.

Associated Press

From This is London

Associated Press

Well, it looks like Bob Evans is no longer with us. He is dead at age 89.

Biscuits and gravy, sausages, cheeseburgers, meatloaf, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, chicken-fried steak — how did this guy even make it to 40?

With a proper diet, I bet he could have lived to a ripe old age of 140! Then, could you imagine all the things Mr. Evans could have accomplished?

So the great HBO series Soprano’s wraps up, and everyone can’t stop talking about the way it ended. Me, I can’t get over their dinner!

(Spoiler Alert!)
Onion rings? Come on, Tony! Why not get a family-sized veggie sub you can split with the rest of the table? Or a six-inch turkey for yourself? I wish I could talk to Tony and let him know that he doesn’t have to be overweight his entire life. And, more importantly, he doesn’t have to sacrifice taste to get there. With some careful dietary modifications, in a few months, he’d be the envy of the New York families!

Did you hear about the new over-the-counter diet pill the FDA approved?

It looks like you can’t just lock up anyone these days, even if they are a potential terrorist! Now Mr. Bush is stuck hoping the legal system doesn’t let this fish get away.

But you know what?

It’s kind of like those fad diets.

Sure, maybe the president swore off carbs (Miranda rights) and that worked for a while (terrorist plots foiled), but now his body (Legislative and Judicial branches) are telling him he can’t do this forever. That’s why fad diets are dangerous- they might work for a while, but ultimately you end up cheating your body in a way it’s not expecting. Eat less, exercise more. (checks and balances) That’s the key! And it doesn’t hurt to visit your doctor (constitution) every once in a while!