Did you hear about the new over-the-counter diet pill the FDA approved? No, this isn’t the beginnings of a Leno joke - I am quite serious. “Alli” is a real product and, apparently, the easy way out is popular with some folks. I don’t want to come off like a party-pooper but a diet pill is the wrong way to lose weight. If anyone knows how tough it is to be overweight, it’s me — I used to weigh over 400 pounds! But with a lot of hard work and dedication, I was able to drop that weight and get to the respectable 190 I weigh today. Not quite svelte, but if I loose any more weight, my loose skin will droop from my body like a basset hound’s cheeks.

Wouldn’t you rather have a delicious 6″ processed ham (it’s really turkey!) than a silly pill? Or a 12″ meatball (again, turkey!) instead of false hope? Or a lean vegetarian (turkey!) at the end of a long day? Or a classic turkey (tofu!) sub? It tastes better and it doesn’t have any weird side effects. Plus, do you really want to be known as the guy who cheated to lose weight? You owe it to yourself to “just say no” to this specific drug, and lose weight the right way. Plus, you won’t have to worry about buying any new pants! Well you might have to buy news pants because of all the weight you lost legitimately, not because of the anal leakage stain.