Thanks, Subway. I’ve never felt more used than when I saw that Peter Griffin from The Family Guy touting Subway’s new sandwich—’The Feast’.

Where’s your goddamn integrity Subway? What won’t you do to sell a sandwich? I gave up my livelihood for years, eating nothing but bland turkey, shredded lettuce, and plasticy green peppers. Now this fat-ass cartoon character steals my steam and you have the gall to rub it in my face.

I get it, Subway. You used me to tap into the ‘fatties’ market. Now you’re appealing to the ‘skinny’ demographic that’s looking to fatten up for winter. Great idea! You know what? I’ve got a better idea. You want extra meat? You want a ‘feast’? Well, feast on this! My pants size may have shrunk, but what’s underneath didn’t. (My penis.) Suck it, Subway.