Shocking news out of Washington today, as the Senate drafted, voted on and passed a bill to officially change the name of Wednesday to Hump Day. The bill was then rushed to the Oval Office.

President Bush dramatically lifted up his feather-tipped veto pen that he inks in the blood of fallen soldiers and prepared to write a big X over the document when an unsuspecting hero burst into the office to save the day — none other than Ryan Gosling.

“Do not veto this important legislation, Mr. President,” the hip actor said. “The American people need a delightfully funny nickname to signal the midpoint of their weekly drudgery.” He reasoned, before adding. “Take it from me, I’m a hot guy.”

With that no man could argue.

Nancy Pelosi addressed the media on the steps of Congress. “This bill is a big fuck you to all my detractors who said my Congress has been impotent. Sure we are locked in stalemate about war funding and other boring legislation – but we are making headway in the bills I like to call Because We Can Legislation. Watch out for the No More Updates, iTunes bill, Every Man Must Grow A Handlebar Mustache resolution, and an extension on the 5 second rule to somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 to 10 seconds.”

But this Hump Day constitutional amendment is not all sunshine and puppy dogs tails for every human being on Planet Earth. Some wonder will more of our beloved date and time names be next for the guillotine?

Month expert Frederick October says quite possibly. “If you really think about it, what do the names of the months even mean? What’s a February? Can someone please use July in a sentence that has nothing to do with dates? I would fully expect the months to be purchased and named after evil corporations or terrorists.”

Only time will tell. Time, and the mercy of God.