Associated Press

First, you deceive the American people into taking out adjustable rate mortgages in the face of a huge Fed hike. Then, you keep rates at a level that stifles American ingenuity and entrepreneurship (that is, you kept rates above zero). Now, we know why you’re anti-freedom, Mr. Greenspan: BECAUSE YOU’RE A COMMIE!!!

When I was going through tough times, I didn’t exactly have an all-star supporting cast. Kenny was pretty pissed at me, and Asshole Fastow didn’t hesitate to rat me out. My wife threatened to assault my nether-regions in ways that my cellmates couldn’t dream of in their loneliest moments. I was counting on a Bush pardon, but he was too flustered by terror to hear anything of it. Nice timing, Osama.

But in any case, former Fed Chairman Alan Meatspin needs to learn that it’s better to have no friends than to have Communist friends.