Associated Press

Of course this is all a rumor! Buffett on The Street? I hear the guy still lives in a split-level ranch in Omaha. That’s where corn farmers go to get away from the hustle-bustle of Des Moines. A bumpkin like him isn’t worthy of spit shining an I-banker’s white shoes.

Dairy Queen … ha! Even my cellmate knows that the fast money is in YUM! Brands. I mean, how could Buffett even use a majority stake in Bear Stearns? Is he leveraging more Kit-Kats into his Blizzards? As long as the guy is busy cultivating Midwestern FUPAs, he doesn’t have the nuts to feed capital into LBOs.