Like a good mullet, DealBreaker.com is business in the front, party in the back. Normally, their writers toil over CEO exposés and M&A S&M. But recently, they’ve announced that in order to get the inside scoop on Wall Street holiday parties, they will be sending sumptuous seductress Bess Levin to as many of them as possible.
Bess, if you’re reading this, I cordially beg you to attend the Waseca Federal Correctional Institution’s Holiday Bash ’07.
This is gonna be one for the history books, Bess. Guillermo in cell block H made the punch by fermenting protein shakes in the toilet … if you close your eyes and don’t mind the chewy bits, it tastes JUST like eggnog. Petey, my cellmate DaiShawn’s bitch, made us these adorable Santa hats from old uniforms and pillow down.
Alright Bess, enough beating around the bush. The wife isn’t too happy with me for dragging her through the whole trial and jail and yada yada yada. As a result, I have not used any of my conjugal hours for 2007.
I just wanted to say, the way your voice sounds in my head when I read your DealBreaker stories is just simply…luscious. I’m a very powerful man, Bess, or at least I was at one point. Consider it.
Love,
Jeffy
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