Maybe you’ve heard, I’m pregnant. The media let the secret out.  I’m on the cover of almost every magazine. Did you hear that Mrs. Brad Pitt?  The media thinks I’m a big deal!  A baby is going to come out of my body. So up yours, Angelina Jolie. My body is a fertile vessel. You’re not the only one who can make a baby and get massive media attention.

To be honest, I don’t even like kids. They are just like annoying squirrels to me. Sometimes you hit one with the car and feel bad, but hey, you’ve got to keep driving, right?  Anyway I’m going to have my own little squirrel soon. So guess what Brad Pitt? You could have planted the seed, but you missed the bus on this one, pal.  I’m going to get pregnant again as soon as this one is pulled out of me. And again and again.