Prohibited polymers in pet food. Cut-rate chemicals in toothpaste. Lead-laced paint to decorate toys for all the girls and boys. In a manner of months China has gone from economic juggernaut to James Bond villain, thanks to a slew of product recalls that have left American consumers with a new case of the Red Scare (if not a bad case of the Red Runs). Ron Paul may want a return to the gold standard, but I don’t think he grasps how that would make us vulnerable to an attack on Fort Knox by Chinese Fembots.
Well, cue Bachman-Turner Overdrive, ’cause you ain’t seen nothing yet.
Today comes a Los Angeles Times piece about Luo Cuifen, a 29-year old Chinese woman who discovered that 26 sewing needles had been inserted in her body when she was a baby. The primary suspects are Luo’s grandparents, who allegedly tried to kill her because they had wanted a grandson. Sadly, such incidences are not uncommon in a country where strict population controls have made boys family trophies, and have conspired against the very species that must carry these boy-heroes. That is, until China’s cloning farms are fully operational. (I’m looking at you, Mulder and Scully.)
Now if that’s how China treats its own, Odin knows what they might unleash on visiting Olympic athletes and tourists come Summer 2008. Some health concerns have been raised about air quality in Beijing, though we did L.A. in 1984 and no one was worried about car emissions back in the go-go 80s. China has also banned Beijing food vendors from setting up shop next to public bathrooms, thus eliminating the hotly contested 1500-meter Dump and Dine event.
Still, it’s remarkable that Mom & Pop shop Halliburton hasn’t “competitively bid” to be the sole provider of laundry, linens, food, water, dragon removal, and other overpriced goods and services for all U.S. athletes.
America’s hunger for cheap goods has compelled Chinese companies to cut corners like an 18-year old finally getting a driver’s license. But as the plight of Luo Cuifen shows, goods aren’t the only thing that comes cheap in the People’s Republic. So athletes beware, otherwise the metals you come back with won’t just be the gold/silver/bronze variety.
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