On yesterday’s Oprah, girlfriend tried to put my baby in the corner by asking him to give his assessment of the flat spin that is former paramour Britney Spears’ life.

Boyfriend played it surprised at first, using evident vulnerability for maximum audience sympathy. He then quickly established separation (’We haven’t spoken in years’), dropped it like it was magnanimous (’I mean, I’ve got nothing but love for her’), played the “youthful folly” card (’We were teenagers, you know?’), separated again in the corner of the end zone (’I don’t know her as well as I did’) then displayed a delicate touch (’What I do know…is she has a big heart’) in hauling down the big score.

In the same interview, JT also admitted that we use iChat to stay in touch whenever we’re away from each other. We’re also big texters when we are around each other. So much of the fun of that is the bevy of abbreviations that we use. Some of our favorites include:

NGPL (Nice Gene Pool, Loser)
SRKBIMA (Seth Rogan Keeps Bumping Into My Ass)
WMCB? (Where’s My Cristal, Bitch?)
MLBFB (More Like Bringing FlabbyBack)
YLAOCOTITF (You Left Another Open Can Of Tuna In The Fridge)
PIB…DB (Paris Is Burning…Down Below)
JBYSTH (Just Busted You Scoping That Hoochie)
AYWMUA? (Are You Wearing My Underwear Again?)