I am so depressed I can't even boooyaahh this morning. Collapse? Meltdown? Crisis? What the f-happened?!?! One day I am in the studio throwing plastic bulls at the camera raving like madman and the next I am sitting in the my office looking at a screen with red all over it (for those that don't know stocks show up in red when they are down). What is the cause? Why did this happen? I have been mulling it over for days. The usual culprits always come up, short-sellers, subprime lenders, speculators, the Jews or possible Kaiser Sozay. But I have analyzed the patterns and none of those fit. I am like Dr. House of the financial world.
Then it hit me, look at the dates... Things really started to hit the fan on September 10. turned on the Super Collider in Europe!
This monstrosity whips matter around at light speed and bashes particles into each other to see what happens. Despite plenty of warnings from the legitimate science community that this would cause the end of the world as these particle collisions would create black holes, these uber-eggheads turned it on anyway. Instead of debating this issue, they flipped the switch and rolled their twenty-sided Dungeon and Dragons dice, hoping for the best. Stupid nerds, they have destroyed us all.
You see when they smashed their particles together they broke out the champagne, thinking it was a success. No black holes formed in their labs so they thought all was well. But much like all mad scientists, those dorks didn't understand the horror they created. Don't people learn anything from the movies anymore? Their collisions did create a black hole and that black hole is centered in lower Manhattan. It sucked in Fannie and Freddie, it sucked in Lehman and AIG, it sucked in Merrill and John McCain's judgment (Sarah Palin? Is he serious? This is all a big joke right, he will name a competent person any day now, right?). These stupid dweebs have killed us all!!