A big freaked out Boooyaaahhh America. Well for those that actually still have a TV and were watching this morning you might have heard Big Cram telling everyone the sky is falling on Today Show. The news stories that followed said, "Cramer to the Market: Now is the time to Panic." Now that is just not accurate, that is what Sarah Palin would call, "Golly-gee whiz, Putin-headed, gotcha journalism"
Big Cram never said now is the time for panic. No, no, no! In times like this we need clarity, so lets be very clear here. I said now is the time for full on freakin out. Hide the women and children, don't take your ATM card, keep away from sharp objects, freak out. Big Cram has never seen anything like this and Big Cram is scared, scared for me and scared for all of Cramerica. Its Armageddon out there! This is game over man, game over!
So, I am off to my fallout shelter deep in the Berkshire mountains.
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Yeah, I got myself I cool hat. Also stocked up on the essentials: ammo, spam, fresh water and pornography. So, I wish the rest of you good luck, but don't come knocking on my shelter as Big Cram is in a shoot first, shoot second and then shoot again just to be sure kinda mood. Unless of course the Dow bounces back in which case please please disregard all this and watch Mad Money at 6pm and again at 11pm on CNBC.
Angelina Jolie:
i am going to cock slap you... then stick something hot in your ass hole
10/8/2008 2:29 AMMarilyn Manson:
Can I get in on some of that action?
10/8/2008 5:54 AMBill Clinton:
Me too!
10/8/2008 7:43 AMAl Gore:
Jim Kramer is a flaming purple asshole as is his arsehole buddy Bill Gross
10/8/2008 6:39 AMRalph Nader:
I couldn't agree more Al. Cramer is the anti-christ here to shepherd us all into the apocalypse. The sight of him makes my innards rot. The sound of his voice fills me with an insane murderous rage. The reasoning he employs makes me want to repeatedly poop in my pants. I hate him. I loathe him. I'd like to put his chrome-dome in a vise and squeeze it shut while watching what the little brain matter that he carries in his loud,dumb bald head plop out and on to my basement floor.
10/8/2008 11:29 AMDalai Lama:
I'm definitely going to suggest some spell-checking plus some actual humor.
10/9/2008 4:07 AMSeriously.
The NewsGroper comments used to be funny.