A big fallout shelter booyahh to all Cramerica. Now some of your may remember that earlier in the week Big Cram called for a general freak out, and well, I am proud of you Cramerica, you listened to the big dog and you freaked out big time. The Dow, S&P and NASDAQ were all down 25% in the last week. A big meltdown boooyaahh!
I went up to the fallout shelter, ate some spam, drank some water, recycled my own pee and watched like thirty episodes of Family Guy and Robot Chicken. Look into the Chicken, you will love it. But the Cramer freak out call was more effective then I imagined, and it has already become time for the reverse call: EVERYONE CHILL THE FUCK OUT!
What we need here is for everyone to be a bunch of Fonzies. And what was Fonzei? Fonzie was cool. Exactamundo, Fonzie was cool. So be cool and chill them bitches out! Big Cram is now calling the bottom, and it occurred this morning at 9:37 when the Dow dropped below 8,000. Lets remember our previous Dow DefCon levels:
Dow drops below 11,000 - Tighten your belts
10,000 - Freak out
9,000 - Come anywhere near my fallout shelter and I will shoot your punkass
8,000 - Jump back in the Hummer (gas is cheap now) and get back to NYC -- the shakeout is over
So to those still panicking out there, listen to Cramer and chill out. There was a run up to where the market should not be as money (levered money at that) flooded into Wall Street and that has now been erased. There are toxic assets and a credit freeze, but the government is on the case (unlike during the Great Depression where the central bank and fed did nothing for three years...three years!) and it will get solved soon.
It's over, chill out, get back to work and just be like Fonzi. Fonzi was cool. Fonzi also was banging every chick in the town, so be like The Fonz in every way you can!
Donald Trump:
Cramer, once again you have done it. You are hired!! Brillant call and the markets have responded. The world needed leadership and I was too busy matting down my comb-over.
10/10/2008 3:43 PMMr. T:
I pity the fool that sells his stocks now
10/10/2008 3:44 PMFlavor Flav:
Flava-Flave!! Buy dem stocks and such bitches! You know, fo real, I am like buyin all kinds of that shizzznit yo!
10/10/2008 3:46 PMHugh Hefner:
Cramer, you magnificent bastard, I love ya. Playboy's stock was getting so low I almost had to stop bathing in Crystal
10/10/2008 3:48 PMRalph Nader:
Cramer once again you fail to see that capitalism is fundementally broken and these large corporations take advantage of the common worker. We need to unite the working class against these corporate fat cats and let the workers own the means of production just like in those communist paragons of the USSR, Cuba and North Korea. Their stock markets have not dropped 50%, have they? Have they?!?
10/10/2008 3:50 PMJim Cramer:
Nader, shut the fuck up, before I come down there, roll up my sleeves and beat you to death with a seatbelt and a copy of your book, "Unsafe at any speed" which created the seatbelt laws. You homo.
10/10/2008 3:52 PMSarah Palin:
Jim (may I call you Jim?)...I like your maverick style but what exactly are ya sayin'?
10/10/2008 10:10 PMJim Cramer:
Palin, you are, by far, the dumbest person every nominated for high office in any country, through out history. Yes, that includes Nero (fiddled while Rome burned), Louis XIV, Lao Shu Tzee (Mao's head of the Great Leap Forward) and George W. Bush.
10/14/2008 2:52 PMGeorge W. Bush:
I'd resent that if anyone gave a fuck about what you say.
11/9/2008 1:57 AMSamuel L. Jackson:
That got-damm line is from my got-damm movie Pulp Fiction, mutha f@#ker! What, did you think I wouldn't notice?!? Don't make me spout Eziakel 24:17 on your bald-ass!
10/14/2008 2:54 PMBen Bernanke:
Cramer you brilliant bastard, you did it once again. You called the bottom to the minute, its been days and the market has done nothing but go up. You are a shinning example to the world.
10/14/2008 2:56 PMHulk Hogan:
Market-mania is running wild again! Say your prayers, take your vitamins and then date a chick that looks like your daughter!
10/14/2008 2:57 PMSnoop Dogg:
Fa schizzle Cramer-izzle, I knew you were my nizzle on the market-bizzle.
10/14/2008 3:00 PMParis Hilton:
Like, market bottoms are totally hot!
10/14/2008 3:02 PMQuentin Tarantino:
Samuel L. Jackson is right, all that Fonzi stuff is from Pulp Fiction, that's, um, like, totally plagaristic, and stuff man.
10/15/2008 3:22 PMSamuel L. Jackson:
you got-damm right it is!
10/15/2008 3:23 PMFonzi:
Cramer, you are right everyone needs to be like me...cool! You are also right that I was tagging every chick in that town! Of course that was back before condoms and sex education, so naturally I got Gonorrhea four times, Syphilis twice and a nasty case of genital herpes. But still, be like me!
10/15/2008 3:26 PMRyan Seacrest:
Excuse me, was someone looking for a bottom?
10/18/2008 12:01 AMJack White:
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11/12/2008 9:10 PM