I'd like to clarify my point that Sarah Palin's foreign policy experience is awesome due to Alaska being so close to Russia.

For instance, she demonstrated tricky political maneuvering in setting up a junior hockey match between Nome, Alaska and Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky. What's more, she instituted the now-famous "Books for Vodka" program that keeps Alaskan kids free from the "clear" Russian threat.

Joe Biden? Mr. Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee? It sounds to me like those multi-syllabic words strung together for no apparent reason is an overcompensation for something. Probably his tiny tiny foreign policy acumen.

In fact I'll share with you my real VP short list, chosen of course for their geographical location:

1. Larry Bonderud, mayor of Shelby, Montana: A mere 40 miles from Canada, Larry's been our front line diplomat, keeping us safe from those dirty Canucks and their shitty Labatt Blue pilsner.

2. Ben Hueso, councilmen from San Ysidro, California. As a councilman from US neighborhood adjacent to Tijuana, Hueso is expertly trained in the diplomatic graces of the adventurous border town. For instance, Hueso knows that at Donkey Shows it's customary to hold one's applause to the end.

3. Barack Obama: He's from Hawaii, and lived in Indonesia, and has a dad from Kenya!  Why isn't he running for Vice President??