Dang it, I usually try to stay upbeat and positive. But this Super Tuesday business has got me down in the dumps. I wish I were still in the race. At least when Tom Brady loses, he can still go home and bang Giselle. But I gotta go home to Elizabeth. Yuck.

Associated Press

I’ve been in such a bad mood lately, I’ve been suing everyone. I sued my Guatemalan maid for putting my gym socks away in the wrong drawer. I sued my kid for listening to the crappiest music I ever heard (he said it was some clown named John Mayer). I even sued Elizabeth for overcooking my fish the other night at dinner. Yep, it hasn’t been easy living with John Edwards lately.

But I think I’m about to make a big breakthrough. I’ve been in talks with Barack and Hillary, and I think I might have landed a major appointment should either of them win the White House.

But more on that later. I don’t want to jinx anything and ruin it. If I did, I’ve have to sue myself.