Folks, sometimes I crack myself up. Y'all in the media asked me if I would accept the nomination as Vice President and -- get this -- I said nope.

Ha ha. I did. I said no siree.

And if you believe that, you'd probably believe me if I told you I wouldn't sue an 8-year-old for selling me lukewarm lemonade. Heck, it happened. And I won. Kid shoulda thought twice before advertising ice-cold lemonade on his storefront, then selling a beverage warmer than goat urine. Took that sumbitch's lemonade stand and everything. 

Anyhow, who the heck am I kidding. I'd take the VP nomination from Hillary or Barack. Heck, I'd accept it if McCain offered it to me.

I gotta run y'all. I'm typing this thing on the court reporter's stenotype, and I...yep...I'll be a sonofagun, I done think I got carpal tunnel. Looks like Johnny Edwards has himself another winning lawsuit. My victim? The state of North Carolina.

Ouch my fingers, hands and wrist hurt.