When a primary has gone on this long, when divisiveness overshadows democracy, the American people want -- and need -- someone to tell them how to vote. Who better than a trial attorney with two failed presidential bids on his resume?

I endorsed Barack Obama because I believe in his chances to win the Democratic Party's nomination. I believe that he is committed to having just one America -- not two. Barack shares my passion for the populist message and for the virtues of Rain-X. But most importantly, I believe in his pastor's statement "God damn America." Because that's how I felt after the stupid American people wouldn't vote for me.

Now Elizabeth, she's still on the fence (poor fence, I hope it can withstand her weight). She is leaning towards Hillary because of her health care plan. But it's a sad day when wives of failed presidential candidates can make endorsements.

I will say this: if Hillary were to surprise people. If she got enough Superdelegates to go back into her corner and declare her the winner, then I will not hesitate to throw my support to her candidacy. That's the truth. And that's what you always get with John Edwards. That, and a damn good attorney who will sue the pants off a doctor for making me wait too long in the waiting room.

Oh, and remember to pick up your bottle of Rain-X at Pep Boys and other fine stores.

(Photo credit: Associated Press)