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The Unauthorized Blog of John Mayer

I remember when Rolling Stone was a respectable periodical

By John Mayer

Bio & Blog

All right, first it was NME, then it was Pitchfork - now it’s Rolling Stone. I really should stop reading these crappy blogs put out by the music media, or I’ll never get around to trashing Graham Colton’s music like I’ve been meaning to (spoiler alert: his music is terrible).

rolling_stone_-_the_new_guitar_gods.jpg

Today I was on Rolling Stone’s website, checking up on my daily dose of pop culture news and liberal bias, and what do I see, but RS blogger Daniel Kreps propping Crystal Castles. If you haven’t had the opportunity to listen to Crystal Castles, then I envy you.

I would expect this kind of grovelling to mediocre duo acts from a magazine like NME, or even an indie bone-throwing site like Pitchfork, but Rolling Stone I always held to a higher esteem. I’ve always expected them to indoctrinate young people into voting for Democrats, or into buying hybrid cars, or informing readers of who the “new guitar gods” are. I didn’t expect them to sell out to the MySpace crowd.

I promise I’ll get around to talking about Graham Colton, that asshole!

2/21/2008 6:15 PM, Los Angeles
25 comments

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Comments

JJ:

plus, personally, i wouldn't want a signed picture or himself or his cd. it's plain pointless. something to hang on my wall or boast to people "i got him to sign my cd!!!" yikes! if there's something i would want, i'd want to hang out with him even at least for a day and feel what it's like to be with the most talented musician ever.

2/24/2008 3:58 PM

John Mayer:

JJ - Thanks for commenting again. Unfortunately, I don't have any more CDs to give away, but I think if you visited your local record store, they might have a used copy somewhere. Hope to see you at mt next show!

Keep it real,
J

2/24/2008 5:59 PM

JJ:

um yes i am the real JJ. but i was just wondering coz most people would say " i love you FAKE John Mayer " what do you say of that?

2/23/2008 11:13 PM

Sophie:

I think your next album should be titled "Recycle"...i love recycling! i just discovered it like 6 months ago and now i'm totally committed. that would be a stupid title actually...i just wanted to get in on the conversation.

2/27/2008 12:16 AM

John Mayer:

JJ -- This is the real John Mayer. Is this the real JJ?

Christy -- I do like some new music. I'm going to be blogging on that soon.

Everyone else -- Lump it! I'm not old-fashioned.

John

2/22/2008 5:37 PM

JJ:

title for your next album?? okay....um, how bout "KEEPT IT REAL" or better yet, "QUIT LYING"...ring any bells?

2/26/2008 10:30 AM

matheson:

Dear Dinosaur, er, Stevie Ray Vaughn for the new College Rapist crowd (yawn...), er...sorry, John Mayer:

Sadly, you sound like a man twice your age having a bitter conversation in your local guitar shop on a Saturday afternoon with other static-minded members of the "I'm a white guy who thinks he's a black blues man" club, or the "they sure don't make music like they used to" club.

I don't mean to burst your bubble, but I thought it may worth pointing out that you do live in the present, - 2008, I should mention because you are obviously unaware, - and you're general sad, bitter attitude toward defending the re-tread, refried shit you call your musical repertoire by dissing something innovative paints you as a huge loser in your career, life, etc. etc.
(well,...maybe you have some money,..but what's money valued at alongside a man's poor taste?)

The future belongs to those who can hear it coming.
So where does that leave you John Mayer,...in a museum maybe?
Bravo.

x

M

2/21/2008 7:32 PM

JJ:

um, is the real John Mayer the actual author of this blog or did i sign up for a fake blog updates from John Mayer?? just curious.....

2/22/2008 7:59 AM

Christy:

John, can't believe you don't like Crystal Castles. You are the one that is singing "Waiting for the world to change". The music world is changing because of Crystal Castles. Embrace it!

2/22/2008 3:31 PM

df:

fuck you john mayer
gitarres suck and you do too

4/20/2008 10:10 AM

effy:

HAHAH this makes me laugh.
because Crystal Castles are so much better than you are Mr. John Mayer.
at least they don't sound like every other band and i can actually talk to their fans on a somewhat intelligent level. A lot of YOUR fans are Abercrombie wearing airheads who think they're indie cause they listen to you.

your songs all sound the same...

7/8/2008 12:17 PM

Wayne Eadie:

Dear John Mayer,
In respect to Crystal Castles, you probably just don't get it since you are over thirty now (and already growing senile).
Just stick to appeasing the adult contemporary and easy listening crowds of your generation instead of bashing what is unfamiliar to you and your generic brand of anti-seminal guitar music. That is, unless you want to sound like another old man belittling the youth in a fit of bitter jealousy.
Go read Darwin -- it's evolution baby.

Seriously,
Wayne

6/4/2008 11:25 AM

ben archiquette:

Ummm... John? Aren't you a liberal douche too? Go play your guitar and get played on Top 40 radio some more. Seriously, you are like the biggest fag-acoustic-rocker all over mtv, vh1, rolling stone and every other shity mainstream publication; electronic or otherwise.

PS: title for new album - "long haired liberal douche seeks popular media outlet to push mediocre AT BEST pop/fag-rock."

OR - "I fucked Jessica Simpson, in the kitchen, while she was fixin' some chicken"

OR - "Cut my hair like G.I. Jane, my music is fucking lame"

see you in the the pages of US Weekly and Teen Bop, faggot...

6/24/2008 5:20 PM

Wayne Eadie:

Dear John Mayer,
In respect to Crystal Castles, you probably just don't get it since you are over thirty now (and already growing senile).
Just stick to appeasing the adult contemporary and easy listening crowds of your generation instead of bashing what is unfamiliar to you and your generic brand of anti-seminal guitar music. That is, unless you want to sound like another old man belittling the youth in a fit of bitter jealousy.
Go read Darwin -- it's evolution baby.

Seriously,
Wayne

6/4/2008 11:25 AM

Hulk Hogan:

Crystal Castles sucks brother!

8/2/2008 1:16 AM

John Mayer:

JJ - Thanks for stopping by. It's always great to have my fans come by and chat; sometimes when a show is done, I don't have time to talk to all of them. If you need anything signed, just send it to the address on the back of the CD.

John

2/24/2008 7:28 AM

Niels:

I can't believe john mayer would say such a thing out of total ignorance. Ive been listening to crystal castles for 2 years now. far before anyone on the myspace network had herd of them and Im appalled that he would group the act like he did. he further exemplifies the snobbish stereotype guitar players like him have. im sure hes never produced a track in his life. really, not just adding a bunch expensive processors and affects your already recorded analog track
I could say way more but Im not going to
john mayer is incredibly embarrassing, I used to respect his intellect

3/3/2008 5:17 AM

r:

The more you keep talking about Graham Colton, the less it seems like you hate the guy and his music....

2/21/2008 7:45 PM

matheson:

p.s. I love you fake John Mayer,...you make my dreams of telling off real John Mayer so vivid!

2/21/2008 7:41 PM

b:

Thanks for introducing me to Crystal Castles!
They're amazing......I've been waiting for music like this for a decade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2/21/2008 7:16 PM

JJ:

okay, i know people would say it's a total waste of time to comment on this thing considering it's not
even the real Mayer i'm talking too but i have nothing else to do at the moment so....

is there anything else you'd like to tell me other than your (supposedly signed) "CD's" or whatever? okay,
i know that there may be a slight......just a teeny tiny thing that i'm hoping you'd be the real Mayer
but i know you're not...but whatever.
i mean, i'm just asking myself, do the real Mayer actually say these things like "keep it real"? well, i
wouldn't know but judging on the blogs i read from his REAL website, it's totally different. also, the phrasing
of things and how he'd elaborate his crappy or great experiences. *sighs* okay, i gotta stop commenting.
But i do hope that the next comment you'll write to me would not be about your CD. seriously, i know all
Mayer's songs by heart. take care now.....

2/25/2008 12:01 AM

John Mayer:

JJ - Thanks for dropping by again. I won't be able to keep up this conversation at such a pace, now that
I'm working on some new songs. I'm thinking "Quit Lying, I love you" as a new title.

JM

2/26/2008 2:45 PM

JJ:

oh yeah? hmm, if you can't keep up our romantic conversation, will you be able to take me out on (a romantic) dinner sometime? i'm also very eager to talk to you about my music career. you know, maybe you can shoot me some advice?

2/26/2008 6:06 PM

John Mayer:

Hey JJ, I hope you stick around for the comments. I'll make you a deal: no more talking about my music (I appreciate it that you like my songs so much), because you're starting to sound like a stalker. But whatever, man, that's cool.

I can verify that I'm real. Send an email to hello@newsgroper.com and check. The reason I'm blogging on here is because my other blog I shut down. News Groper just manages a lot of celebrities' blogs.

J

PS - Any ideas for the title of my new album?

2/25/2008 1:23 AM

JJ:

wow! you sound like you really are for real eh?

come on "John Mayer", with all due respect, cut the crap. everyone knows that john mayer wouldn't just reply on any comment such as mine.

p.s. i don't want you to think i'm being rude. i just want you to cut the crap coz we all know you're just some dude or a big mayer fan who can't think of anything else to do but this. it's cute though. :-)

2/24/2008 3:52 PM