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The Unauthorized Blog of John Mayer

An open letter to VH1

By John Mayer

Bio & Blog

 Dear VH1,

I’ve been watching Rock of Love II with as much devotion as I did with Rock of Love. Bret Michaels is doing it wrong, so I’d like to host and star in Rock of Love 3. Here are some things I’ve been thinking about, some changes I would make, and overall why I would be a good candidate.

  • It would be called Rock of Love 3, not Rock of Love III. VH1 viewers don’t have the time to figure out the Roman numerals, nor do they want to.
  • No girls with tattoos all over their arms. No girls with fake boobs, fake lips, fake hair colors, fake eyebrows. No Pussycat Dolls-like apparel, trucker hats, or camouflage/pink clothes. No more than one thin coat of base and mascara will be allowed.
  • I don’t wear headbands covering most of my head like Bret Michaels does. When I get a receding hairline one day, I’ll wear it proudly.
  • I don’t wear makeup. Think of the money you will save in not buying Maybelline for Men and in not paying a couple makeup artists.
  • Instead of Big John handing me VIP passes during elimination rounds, we can have Andy Kindler handing me guitar picks. Get it? I’m “picking” which girls will make it to the next round. Plus, Andy Kindler will provide some comic relief. That guy is hilarious!
  • No cameras. Let’s just cut out the whole “episode” thing now that I think about it some more. You’ll save money on cameramen, editors, and wardrobe people. The idea is that the “show” will just happen naturally. I’ll eliminate girls as I see fit - like I do in real life – and then I’ll blog about it here. This will save you an estimated $1.3 million dollars.
  • Ready for this? This is a pretty revolutionary idea: Before and after Rock of Love 3 is aired, play nothing but music videos. Remember when you played music videos? Wouldn’t it be wild if you could stop competing with MTV for who has the most reality shows, and start playing videos? No one else is doing it, you know.
  • In fact, scrap this Rock of Love 3 idea. Also, stop Rock of Love II before the train wreck is over. Start playing videos right now. Think of the headlines you would create. The music industry will be buzzing, referring to VH1 as the “badboy” and the “rebel” of the music industry by playing nothing but music videos.
  • You can throw in the video “Your Body is a Wonderland” every once in a while. It won some awards.

All the best,

John Mayer

3/26/2008 10:25 AM, Los Angeles
5 comments

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Comments

Darcy:

This, is indeed... why I love John Mayer. Tell the man to call me and I'll come be on ROL3 in a heartbeat!

3/26/2008 6:20 PM

Nikki Marie:

JOHN CLAYTON!
GET YOUR ASS HOME AND TAKE THIS POST OFF RIGHT NOW! What are you doing????? You chose me in elimidate, damn it! For the love of ALLAH!!!!!!!!!!

Now get your ass home, go to your room, strip naked and wait until I get there.

In the meantime, I'm gonna finish my beer...there are thirsty children in Bangladesh..

I'll be there shortly.

3/26/2008 9:07 PM

John Mayer:

Nikki! I thought we discussed you using my middle name!

Darcy: Do you have a phone #???

John

3/26/2008 11:27 PM

Peter:

you're hilarious

3/27/2008 11:51 AM

Jessica Simpson:

I love you sweetheart, sorry i missed your call earlier.

3/27/2008 2:53 PM