One of the annoying things about blogging at News Groper is that the editors are constantly asking me for guitar advice, or they're asking if I can find them tabs to old Smashing Pumpkins songs, or they're quoting lines to Spinal Tap, thinking I'll reply back with a quote (how many times to I have to tell them I haven't seen it?). But recently, they've been bugging me about American Idol.
One of them said, "Do you think David Cook is a god?" Sorry, Idol fans, but he's not very good. Here's why:
- Like I mentioned in the title of this post, his name is eerily similar to Dane Cook.
- I knew David Cook when he was a waiter at the Olive Garden on Ventura Blvd. I think he spit in my split-pea soup, just for the literary value of the act.
- Before he was on Idol, he was playing the streets of NYC with me. Once, he and his sissy makeup-wearing friends tried to take over my corner, Wire-style. I had to punk that bitch.
- Jennifer liked David Archuleta better.
Jennifer:
Um, who's John Mayer?
5/23/2008 11:09 AMJohn Mayer:
Jennifer, would you like to join my fan club?
5/23/2008 1:56 PMJennifer:
Thanks for the offer, but I'm too busy running my own fan club to join anyone else's. I wish you the very best though ...
5/23/2008 2:24 PMcruzin4us:
Huh??????
5/23/2008 11:09 AMNunya:
This is perhaps the most ridiculous nonsense I've had the displeasure of reading all month.
5/23/2008 1:13 PMTatiana:
hahaha, sorry but the spitting in the split-pea soup made me LOL. I know, I know, I'm evil. Still pretty humorous though. You can say you had David Cook's spit in your soup. :)
5/23/2008 1:33 PMAnn Coulter:
Get a job.
5/23/2008 5:54 PMAl Gore:
WTF!!! Now I want to spit in your soup. Never going to buy one of your CDs. Is this really John Mayer??? If so, no CLASS!!!
5/23/2008 5:55 PMJohn Mayer:
That depends, is this the real Al Gore?
5/27/2008 6:12 PMAlanis Morissette:
ur lucky to have his spit, seems david cook is more famous than you and millions would die to have his spit..feel honored., lmao
5/23/2008 5:58 PMAl Gore:
if you want to help prevent global warming as your bio says, then stop spreading hot gas....this is as polluted as a jealous has been gets.
5/23/2008 6:00 PMJennaWantsDavid:
Hi.
5/23/2008 6:18 PMYou're a douche.
David Cook OWNS. Deal with it.
American Idol Judges:
David Cook is awesome! Jealousy is not attractive!!
5/23/2008 6:28 PMDr. Phil:
PEOPLE, this is not really John Mayers thoughts or opinions..this whole blog thing is a SATIRE, which means it is a joke, John Mayer has nothing to do with this, it is all made up..just chill.
5/23/2008 8:00 PMOprah Winfrey:
That's it, Phil. You've gone off the deep end for the last time. You're fired!
5/24/2008 7:59 AMMich:
Seriously? David Cook is about as talented as Dane Cook? This coming from someone who pretends he's John Mayer.
Come on now...that's weak.
5/24/2008 1:13 PMAllen Common:
John Mayer is completely off base with that call. David A. stood in place during each Idol performance on the verge of passing out. That's not what I call stage presence. David Cook played the guitar and had incredible stage presence. Thankfully, fans agreed!
5/27/2008 6:54 PMJohn Mayer:
Hi everybody,
Thanks for coming on here and agreeing with me. Let's hope next season brings a more talented winner than David Cook.
JM
5/28/2008 12:33 AMDane Cook:
Sure, John, I would love to post a snarky rebuttal, but right now I am currently on TOUR to SUPPORT the TROOPS IN IRAQ!
5/28/2008 5:05 PMGeorge W. Bush:
Dana, Thank for helping to make the world a safer place today than it was 8 years ago. The soldiers need some American female companionship since all those Iraqi ladies keep their birquettes on all the time.
5/29/2008 11:42 PMBen Bernanke:
All of you people need to get back to work. Inflation is too much money chasing not enough goods, and you're not producing anything. So don't blame me when gas hits $5 a gallon and you don't even get a Slurpee with it.
6/2/2008 2:02 PMAl Sharpton:
Hippity, dippity, jippity, crippity. Hallelujah. Whether he's a man, a woman, a beast, a cat, a sphynx, a rap star, a nun, a voodoo hoodoo man, it don't matta. This man has the right to appropriation of emancipation from the evil calculatory, manipsulative convulusion of the brother.
6/5/2008 4:01 PMDane Cook:
Let's kill these bitches.
6/13/2008 12:36 AMGordon Ramsay:
John, you wanker... I've told you soup is dead! Yes... get over yourself.
6/13/2008 12:42 PMBono:
Last!
6/13/2008 1:45 PMIt's that guy:
Screw you Bono, you may have good music but it doesn't mean your getting the last post! By the way can I have a concert ticket?
6/18/2008 1:28 AMJamie:
Wow... you are retarded.
6/18/2008 12:18 PMYour probably putting him down to get attention...
I see its working a little bit. But most of it is Badddd...
Get over the fact he may be better than you and get a life...
Bono:
OK, now I'm last! Yes!
6/18/2008 1:35 PM