So this weekend, I was at home, trying to spend a peaceful Memorial Day weekend with Jennifer (Yes, musicians take holidays, too). We had this whole luau theme going on, and I was in my Hawaiian shirt, Jennifer was topless with a grass skirt, and we were listening to a demo tape of Rob Thomas covering Jimmy Buffet songs.  Does it get any better?

And what appears in the middle of my zen-like weekend? Jealous exes trying to pee all over me and Jen's romance.

First, her ex, Vince Vaughn says I'm in it for the publicity. Umm, Vince, what publicity? People stop and see us on the street because we make a cute couple. Then, my ex, Jessica Simpson, calls me a ladies' man (which is kind of a compliment - thanks Jess!), trying to convince Jennifer to not date me.

Well, if that was the case, and we all followed each other's advice, here's what would have happened:

• I wouldn't be with Jennifer Aniston because Brad Pitt informed me of her lax shaving habits. (No comment about down there.) 
• Several waiters in the Los Angeles area told me not to date Jessica Simpson. Why did they tell me that? Actually, they didn't say why. They just sort of covered their crotches and shook their heads.
• When I started dating Minka, the rumor was that she was a virgin. I'll let you fill in the blanks from there.