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The Unauthorized Blog of John Mayer

Phish fans are no longer allowed at my concerts

By John Mayer

Bio & Blog

Phish fans are the worst. You know the type. You may have worked with one, or be related to one. If you've been to college since the mid-90's, then you definitely know one. If you've had pizza delivered, then you've had your pizza delivered by a Phish fan.

For a long time, they would infiltrate my concert, pushing my fans aside to get "close to the action." These peaceful-loving fans are not always so peaceful. If you show one sign of non-chill or if you make a face toward their unwashed hair or smoky blunt, they're likely to break your face. They usually boo me when I don't jam out and let the song go on for an hour.

I didn't know what to do until I read this about keeping unwanted fans out of events. Here are few things I've thought of so far. Let me know what you think.

  • Proof of recent shower within the last 12 hours. Bouncers and ticket agents will be smelling armpits.
  • Well-groomed facial hair for the men, and shaved legs for the women.
  • Wearing any t-shirts of the following bands will keep you from getting into a John Mayer concert: The Flaming Lips, The Allman Brothers, The Grateful Dead, Dave Matthews Band. (Jack Johnson shirts are on a case-by-case basis.)


7/23/2008 11:48 AM, New York

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John Meyer is a stupid a-hole. Phish got to be so big, that you are a jealous a-hole. in your wildest dreams, you wish you got to be that big a-hole. and when Phish coms back, they will still be bigger than you a-hole. and there is nothing you can do about it a-hole.

7/24/2008 7:01 PM

John Mayer:

I think that some of the remarks here are from Phish fans who are jealous they won't get to come to my concerts anymore. Thanks for coming on here and reading, but the post was to my own fans who don't have to worry about Phish fans spoiling the fun.


7/24/2008 7:20 PM

Tim Hardaway:

This is getting kinda gay.

7/24/2008 10:17 PM


SOOOOOO.... if you are so against the fans of phsih and will not let people wearing greatful dead and allman brothers shirts into your concerts then what the hell were you doing playing at the jammy awards a few years ago. using the heads to get more albums sold? i used to respect you.

7/25/2008 12:21 PM


what a loser!hes just pist that we make fun of his lame ass music.we actually have good tast in music so why would we pollute our ears with that crap!he just thinks hes cool because he was on the chappell show and thats the only reason why people know his lame sure he sucks dick for cock too!fuck head

7/25/2008 7:57 PM


sand , vagina , good

7/27/2008 8:29 AM

Eric Shoup:


7/27/2008 11:10 PM

Alanis Morissette:


7/28/2008 12:18 AM

Dalai Lama:

At least Phish has music that is more than jamming blues like some neo-Stevie Ray Vaughn/Dave Matthews impersonating poser. John Mayer way worse at guitar and composing than Trey from Phish, which doesn't say too much, but still. John Mayer should not put on shows, he should practice instead.

7/29/2008 9:46 PM

David Hasselhoff:

Yes Tim Hardaway, Trey is gay. We used to get tanked together and have some wild nights, let me tell you. I'll never look at burgers that way again...

8/5/2008 1:48 PM


Drink more Guinness ! and ummm.. DRINK MORE GUINNESS!

8/18/2008 5:00 PM


I love Phish, and I am not a John Mayer fan.. However, I will say being a Dave Matthews fan and attending many concerts, the fans are RUDE, especially the ladies.. Mean bitches!

1/26/2009 11:55 AM


this is great.
good sense of humor.

1/28/2009 11:45 PM