The Unauthorized Blog of John Mayer

In honor of Randy Pausch, this is "The Last Blog Post"

By John Mayer

Bio & Blog

(This blog post is dedicated to Randy Pausch, who inspired me to write this. Otherwise, I didn't have much to write about.)

In my time as a pop musician, Gap model, boyfriend of famous beautiful celebrities, and humanitarian, I have come to realize that life is precious and short. I don't take the time to appreciate the finer things, and that's going to change soon.  

  • Look at my Grammy's more often. Polish them, measure them, get exact replicas made so I can put the real ones in safe keeping.
  • My money. I have a lot of it. How much? Well, how high can you count? As soon as I'm done writing this, I'm going to go home, look at my safe full of cash and just smell it. Life is short.
  • My smoking hot girlfriend Jennifer Aniston who has never shown her big tickets on screen. But I've seen them, and they're spectacular.
  • My car. I don't even know what kind it is. I just call my car guy and tell him to bring "the fast one," and he brings it. In case you guys don't believe me, here I am filling it up with gas.

Since this is "The Last Blog Post," I want you guys to know that I'm not on here just to brag. Everyone should appreciate everything in life that they own: whether it's a little, or it's millions of dollars and the opportunity to see any of the female "Friends" stars naked whenever you want to.

7/28/2008 10:51 AM, Los Angeles
30 comments

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Comments

Anonymous:

Emmm.. I can't decide if I'm impressed with your frankness and honesty, or embarrassed for your girlfriend. In case you didn't know this about us females, we don't like men talking about our privates, good or bad. Koodoes for admiring a great, great man, and for producing music with passion. Your friend Claudia

7/28/2008 3:26 PM

lyndseybe:

What????

7/28/2008 3:32 PM

musiclover:

I can't believe you would this irreverant.....

7/28/2008 4:02 PM

John McNelis:

If this is what you took away from the last lecture, you may count yourself as possibly the only person that missed the point entirely. I don't have a grammmy, but I do have a beautiful girlfriend and I am thankful for the love we share. I also have an abundance of material things, but the only joy they provide is when I give them away to help others to be happy. I really hope that what you wrote was some ill-fated attempt at humor. Otherwise, you have a lot to learn and the universe always has a way of teaching us the things we need to Know. My best, John.

7/28/2008 5:30 PM

Thomas L. Friedman:

keyboard juicy australia site bag me green no see

10/2/2008 6:18 PM

Gordon Ramsay:

John,
It's a fucking Ford GT you wanker! I'll bet you can't even shift through the gearbox... And believe me when I tell you this, if you don't learn how to fucking scramble an egg, Jennifer, and those luscious "tickets" of hers will leave you ass behind!

7/28/2008 6:33 PM

Stephen Ruben:

What a fitting tribute. I can tell you learned a lot from Dr. Pausch . Your values are so in sync; Money and cars and tits and all.

Enjoy your life but I might keep my high school values to myself..if ever I were to graduate

7/28/2008 6:45 PM

Anonymous:

This is a GOD DaMM scan, that is not John Mayer writing and fuck you for attaching this piece of shit to Randy Pausch's name you scumbags, take advantage of a dead person burn in fucken hell

7/28/2008 9:30 PM

Anonymous:

I agree with you 100%

7/29/2008 12:45 PM

Rick:

You have to admit, the title to this post was hilarious!

7/29/2008 3:00 PM

Anonymous:

WOW, John Mayer is a TOTAL ASSHOLE, thank you for the warning mr. materialistic piece of shit

7/28/2008 9:32 PM

Anonymous:

This site is a bullshit, fucken assholes get a life

7/28/2008 9:33 PM

Anonymous:

I think "Anonymous" has multiple personality disorder. Oh shit, that's me! What? Fuck you, asshole!!! That's not a very nice thing to say to a Little Person. Get fucked and call yourself a "midget", asshole. FUCK!!!

7/30/2008 11:43 AM

AMI60:

People, this is obviously not John Mayer. If some idiot wants to write negative things about John Mayer, go for it, but don't associate them with Randy Pausch.

Randy was an inspiration to millions while bravely fighting a deadly disease, pancreatic cancer. He didn't ask for the publicity, however since people were listening he taught us some wonderful lessons about living and loving.

7/29/2008 7:29 AM

nancy:

Wow! You can't find someone to gas it up for you? How shallow can a person get?

7/29/2008 10:02 AM

David Hasselhoff:

That was spectacular! BTW, I've hired someone to eat my hamburgers for me. I just find it easier, that's all.

7/29/2008 10:13 AM

michelle:

It's scary to see how gullible people can be (gullible being a euphemism for 'not bright enough to read the title bar at the top of this page that says, these blogs are not real.')

All the author needed to do is add a stylized avatar of John Mayer, and voila, there will be people out there who think John Mayer wrote it. Brilliant.

Do those of you who think this is in any way a factual account of anything also agree to help those Nigerian cabinet officials with their email requests to transfer millions of dollars into your account?

To the real author of this blog: satire is funny. Making fun of a motivational speaker THREE DAYS after he died of pancreatic cancer is pathetic. So is tarnishing Mayer's name to do it.

7/29/2008 1:51 PM

Dave:

Oh Jesus Christ people, freaking relax. Any one who buys into this Hallmark philosophy and is offended by this post is an idiot.

This post is making fun of the phenomenon of everyone getting obsessed with simple inspirational, pop-marketed garbage.

People die all the time. Many don't live to be 50 and rich. Life is tragic. If you can't accept that, you are kind of sad.

7/29/2008 2:58 PM

Anonymous:

One word for you, Dave: RESPECT. Get some!

7/30/2008 3:43 AM

Chris:

Agreed! This post is funny.

7/29/2008 2:59 PM

Britney Spears:

Oh-my-god! John Mayer's dead--is that what this says? That is so sad. I only had one year of high school, but my reading comprehension scores were rite up their with my spellin.

7/29/2008 4:04 PM

Mike:

Nothing like poking fun at John Mayer under the guise of a tribute to a father of three young boys.

7/29/2008 10:31 PM

Joyce Hospice Nurse:

It is a shame that you missed the whole point of the lecture and that while you may have lots of material wealth and cam smell your money, you have missed so life. i hope you wake up toreality some day.

7/29/2008 11:19 PM

Anonymous:

Do you seriously think John Mayer would be such a wanker?? duhhhhhhh. someone else obviously wrote it and used his name. It isnt difficult you know. Im not Al Gore either in case you are ready to react. I have met John Mayer and he is awesome. Nobody with any intelligence would write such a thing about someone like Randy Pausch. It had to be a dickhead.

7/30/2008 12:49 AM

John Mayer:

Hi everybody - to my fans and to Randy's fans -

I wasn't making fun of Randy, but I was making fun of Bono, who has so much money and always flaunts it. I wish you all the best.

John

7/30/2008 1:29 AM

Bono:

Mayer, I will kill you, and fish for sturgeon off the harbor in Belfast using your entrails as bait.

7/30/2008 11:47 AM

Bono:

Hey Phish fans! I am personally offering any and all of you stinky people free tickets and transportation to John Mayer's next dozen shows!

That's what you get when you try to "Pausch" my buttons, John.

7/30/2008 11:43 AM

Dave:

HAHAHAHA "Pausch my buttons". Wonderful.

7/30/2008 12:02 PM

John Mayer:

Hey Bono,

Will you call my desk? Or you can just come over if you have something to say to me.

John

7/30/2008 1:14 PM

Bono:

John, let me know if you want me to show you how to gchat. It's tight. Unlike your sorry solos.

7/31/2008 3:11 PM

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