Associated Press

You might have heard lately that my campaign is pitifully underfunded, that the Straight Talk Express is running on E. There’s more than one way to skin a cat (as I learned from the the Cat Skinners’ Union, one of our new pledged supporters), and we’re exploring the great many ways one can generate the funds needed for a presidential run.

In addition to the Team McCain lemonade stand, we have courted a number of new donors with deep pockets (except for the Fockets — a group who wishes to outlaw pockets). Here are a few of our new benefactors:

• Hot Spot Development is an interesting group who advocates the colonization of the sun. They’ve given $35.
• An association of QWERTY abolitionists have contributed $100 and nen new kenboards keyboards foc for ouc our offire office.
• The Marchers have been very generous with their gift of $700. The Marchers are pushing for legislation giving the month of March 47 days, largely taken from April.
• The Whigs have offered their entire war chest, $657, to my campaign. I was under the impression that the Whig Party died off in the 1850s, but I’m happy to have them on board.