The hot McCain storyline this past week has been that I’m making a comeback. Comeback? Please. This campaign has been steadily building steam the entire year. We are right on track with our initial plan, which I will unwisely reveal to you right now:

• Barely raise any money.
• Take highly unpopular positions on Iraq and immigration.
• Hitch rides to campaign events to solidify image of struggling has-been.
• Randomly do something irrational to appease Republican base, i.e., singing “Bomb Iran” to the tune of Barbara Ann and insulting most of the world’s religions.
• Finally, when no longer a legitimate contender, begin phase two of campaign: the maverick phase.

We figured this was the only way I could be a maverick and right-wing Bush-lover at the same time. And it’s working. People are talking again — not about me necessarily, but they’re talking. Soon my mediocre support will grow into lukewarm support, and when that happens, watch out.