It's August 4th which makes today a very special day for a certain Democratic candidate. That's right, Barack Obama turns forty seven today, and I call shenanigans. Why, you ask?  Well it's pretty clear, my friends, that Barack is staging this whole "celebration" to try and snag some of my magic.

Getting older, Barack? Very original. We both know where you got that from. It's obvious that you've seen my cunning strategy of aging before the public eye and you want some of this for yourself. Well I'll tell you this, the American People know who the real aging candidate in this election is. 

So happy God damn birthday, Barack Obama. Just know that you're never going to get to my level of ancient. Well, you probably will. You're a politician with fantastic security people and you're in good shape.  But by the time you get there, I'll be even older. Or dead.

Booya!