Okay, so I got the idea for my next big film last night. I was hanging out with Seth and these other guys and we were just joking around right? Talking about shit and life and stuff… Normal stuff right? And we were like, we should just make a movie about us, about people like us? (Well people like Seth, but I count too.)

So it’s going to be about this guy, or these two guys and they're total losers. They smoke pot a lot, or drink and don’t have a real job. Maybe they’re in high school or college, or maybe not at all … that doesn’t matter. But they love pot. And he (or they) are socially awkward right? Like they could not get a girl for the life of them … Or could they?

Right? Right? You follow me? So they get a girl somehow, she’s drunk or high when they meet or she loves him for his awkwardness, but either way, she’s going to be so HOT. Like soo hot right? And she hooks up with him and its so awkward cause he’s awkward right? Haha, omg.

I can not idly sit back and watch these abuses continue. For far too long, I’ve passively ignored your ignorance, your wanton disregard for literary precision. But as a scribe, nay, a demigod of diction, I can not allow this butchery of my craft to go on a moment longer. For the last god damn time the gooch is not synonymous with the taint. 

Only males have gooches. And while technically the taint is a gender neutral term to refer to the area that "ain't your anus, and ain't your genitals", connotation based on common usage would give the word a definite female slant (no pun intended). It appears nuance is lost on you people. 

I mean was I the only one who cut out the diagrams of the male and female form from the health book, then transcribed them into miniature replicas to tape under my eyelids? Would you call the vas deferens the seminal vesicle? Of course you wouldn’t. Just like how a taco isn't Boutros Butros-Ghali.

And I haven't even gotten started on the utter stupefication the grundle causes you. Just because it rhymes with bundle, does not necessarily dictate a phonetic definition. The actual word orgin is hotly contested.

As human beings we are given the privilege of language comprehension. Yes, this superior intellect means we must contemplate our own mortality. But it also means we can name and nickname bodily functions, sex organs and sex acts -- then recall those names and acts in combination to hilarious affect.