Associated Press

You know, it’s this kind of overzealous witch-hunting that really chaps me. While I’m used to being followed about town by the fire brigade (apparently–just being who I am–I’m considered a fire hazard anywhere I go), but I don’t see why the good, pub-going chaps in Barmy

I don’t get all this speculative claptrap about

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First off, let me just say that I’m a little more than upset at this whole endeavor. These news-groping wank-stains assured me that I’d just scribble down a few lines and might then treat myself to a quantity of grog. Shows you what happens when you don’t read the bloody fine print. But a blog? A blog seems to contain an alcohol content somewhere between a salad bar and a geode — not the most tempting offer. But I promised, and Keith Richards never backs down a promise — unless of course you’re referring to my refusal never to tour again. And again. And yet again.