Listen, George, I know you’re going through a lot right now: the Iran thing, falling poll numbers, Britney being pregnant then not being pregnant then drunk-dialing KFed on her birthday. You can’t help but be stressed out with all of that going on. Which is why I am willing to overlook you persistently nagging me about my nuclear programs.

I already told you: I’ll take care of it. When KJ says he’ll take care of it, he’s serious. He means he’ll take whatever “it” is, cut it’s hands, feet, and head off, burn it’s body with chemicals, and dump it in the Taedong River. So chill out.

As far as Mahmoud goes: what can I say, George? I’m as disappointed as you are. I know you were gearing up for this “clash of the civilizations” type royal rumble and, hell, I was too. I had a dream, George. I had a dream that children of every different color would grow up training to kill, in cold blood, those who were not like them. I had a dream that our grandchildren, and our grandchildren’s children, would take turns suicide bombing oil fields across the globe.

Now that dream is dead. And I have to replace Mahmoud on the Axis of Evil intramural basketball team. That fast fucker had unbelievable court vision.

Photo by ryrubie via Flickr.