Readers, I’ve been derelict in my coverage of the Golden Globes ever since my epic predictions from earlier this year. You see, I’ve been extra busy lately what with jerking America around about my nuclear weapons and continuing to torture and publicly execute my own citizens despite international pressure on both fronts.

My sincerest apologies for the delay. The ceremony which I enjoy so much every year was, due to the writer’s strike, nothing more than a glorified press conference this year, simulcast on all the major networks with plenty of Billy Bush eye candy to oogle (he’s hunky in that “John Travolta-Conan O’Brien lovechild” kinda way).

How’d I do on my predictions? Pretty fucking well (complete list of winners HERE):

Best Motion Picture - Drama
KJ: There Will be Blood
HFPA: Atonement

Best Director
KJ: Abstained
HFPA: Julian Schnabel (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly)

Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama
KJ: Angelina Jolie (A Might Heart)
HFPA: Julie Christie (Away From Her)

Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
KJ: Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will be Blood)
HFPA: Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will be Blood)

Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
KJ: Sweeney Todd
HFPA: Sweeney Todd

Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
KJ: Marion Cotillard (La Vie En Rose)
HFPA: Marion Cotillard (La Vie En Rose)

Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
KJ: Write-in vote for Shia LeBeouf (Transformers)
HFPA: Johnny Depp (Sweeney Todd)

Supporting Actress
KJ: Tilda Swinton (Michael Clayton)
HFPA: Cate Blanchett (I’m Not There)

Supporting Actor
KJ: Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men)
HFPA: Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men)

Clearly this just proves that the Hollywood Foreign Press are a bunch of idiots who guessed correctly on a few of these but missed horribly on the rest. Most glaringly, Shia LeBeouf got robbed by Johnny Depp. That’s just egregious. Shia spent most of the movie having to talk to robots THAT WEREN’T REALLY THERE. At least Depp was dealing with real actors.

A French guy winning for best direction? A Keira Knightley movie where she DOESN’T get naked winning for Best Motion Picture? And who in the hell is Julie Christie? I mean, honestly. Does anyone know? Fucking idiots, the Hollywood Foreign Press.