You know, every now and then a news story comes across the internet that makes me proud to be an authoritarian dictator who merely crushes subjects beneath the heels of his platform shoes.

Take the headline from the US Province of Massachusetts. "Cheerleader Dies From Injuries at Competition". Then search "cheerleader AND injury OR death AND america ". What you will find is that in the so-called Land of the Free and Home of the Brave, cheerleaders are being killed or maimed like cats in the alley outside a South Korean restaurant!

A few years ago, I got much tut-tutting and tongue-clucking from Western cheerleader apologists because I sent 21 blabbermouth North Korean cheerleaders to prison for talking about what they saw on a school trip to South Korea. For life. What's so bad about that? Life is the most precious thing we have on earth--much better than death!

Now I find out it's all a big cover-up. Yes, point the finger at me, Yankee death merchants. Which would you rather be--held in an airy, four-foot cell with two other girls from your pep squad, free to chat without need for iPhone--or dead? Or maybe paralyzed from the neck down because your head cheerleader "accidentally" drops you after a triple-somersault vault?

You get to choose--the hollow "freedom" of America, or glorious penal servitude with the Red Star Dance Team!