That Michelle Obama really puts the sass in Sasperila. She reminds me of Whoopi Goldberg -- saying it like it is no matter who she offends or how many nuns she deceives. And I'm not just comparing her to Whoopi because they are both black. My friends always remark about how I can't see color. (Like Denzel Washington -- did you guys know he was black?! I just found that out.)

Today I came out and defended Michelle for that time she said this election is the first time in her adult life she's been proud of America. This is what I told her: 

"I think she probably meant I'm 'more proud,' you know, is what she really meant," Bush told ABC News. "You have to be very careful in what you say. I mean, I know that, and that's one of the things you learn and that's one of the really difficult parts both of running for president and for being the spouse of the president, and that is, everything you say is looked at and in many cases misconstrued."

When people are paying attention to every little thing you say -- even the racist throwaways you use to fill gaps in conversations -- you need start mincing words and trying to sound as post-lobotomal as possible.

Like sometimes you might say that white azeliahs are the retarded children of the flower garden -- ruining everyone's good time with uncontrolably shreaking -- when you meant to say that you'd prefer some pink snapdragons or a few lovely blue Hydrangeas, you know, something not gay.

I made an announcement yesterday from the White House about Burma and the way they handled the aftermath of Cyclone Nargis. This sort of thing is inexcusable. When a government ignores warnings about a likely natural disaster, like a tropical storm, and then can’t get it together to help victims once that natural disaster occurs, something is wrong.

I mean this is the fundamental role of government, to protect its people in time of crisis. And I partly blame a biased media that they have there. We can thank our lucky stars we’re living in the U.S.A in times like this and not in a nation where all decisions are made by the military. Fortunately, we here at the White House have the good judgement and moral high ground it takes to point out when others failings.

Greetings from the First Lady to all the lesser ladies all across this great nation of ours. With Halloween approaching fast, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to share with y'all an old family recipe for a spookily delicious treat that the whole family will enjoy. Devil's Foodcake! Or, as my great grammie Jennaybeline Susamae Welch called it, Negro Loaf. Except she didn't say Negro. Georgie says that I can't write ****** in my blog. 

Below are the list of ingredients. Have your maid, housekeeper, or other ethnic person who comes to your house to clean and stuff, go and pick up these ingredients wherever it is they go to get your food. I'm not sure exactly where they go. Also, find some pots and pans and spoons and stuff. Remember, knives are sharp and hurt a lot. One time I saw a black person.
INGREDIENTS:

* 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
* 1 1/3 cups granulated sugar
* 1/2 month's prescription Prozac
* 1 1/4 cups milk, scalded
* 2 cups cake flour, sifted or stirred before measuring
* 1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda
* 2 cups Iraqi child's tears
* 1 teaspoon salt (if tears are not salty enough)
* 2/3 cup shortening
* 3 eggs
* 1 1/4 teaspoons vanilla extract
* 5 cups Christ's love

PREPARATION:

Now that we got all these ingredients together from the ingredient gettin' place, you may think that we're all ready to begin. Well hold your horses, because you're forgetting the two most important things you have to do before beginning any cooking project. First, you need to pray. I like to pray in my special praying closet under the stairs in the East Wing. It reminds me of the crawlspace daddy use to lock me in to apologize to Jesus for being slutty. I pray for about an hour or so, or until I'm nice and limber. Next, and just as important, you need to take a few of the pills that your doctor gives you. As you can see from the ingredients list, we're throwing a generous portion of them into the mix, but it's a good idea to take a few of them before committing to any serious activity. Or casual activity. Or just sittin'.

I have to try to remember not to throw all the ingredients into the bowl all at once. That's bad, Laura.

Some of you may still think I’m not cut out for it, but I haven’t given up on my own presidential bid. Like First Lady 42, I've been in dangerous situations. I mean, I went to Afghanistan. But do you think I was able to rely on the irreverent wisecracks of Mr. Sinbad to shield me from harm’s way? No, I was not. I’d like to lay out just a few more examples of when I barely escaped with my life in the past eight years and miraculously lived to blog about it:

• Despite the fact there was a war going on, never once canceled annual White House easter egg roll on south lawn, unlike some former first-ladies in year’s past. (Eleanor Roosevelt caved to the Japs.)