Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty; I’m free at last! That’s a quote from somebody. I’m pretty sure it was Martin Lawrence, but whoever said it, I can TOTALLY relate! I’m finally out of rehab, and I’m ready to PARTY … drug free of course.
You know, I’ve heard there are a lot of haters out there who have zero faith in my ability to stay sober. I’ll bet anyone that I can stay sober for three months. Who wants to bet me? That’s right, I didn’t think so. What, did you just say to me? That I’m wearing an ankle bracelet that detects alcohol in my bloodstream, so that really wouldn’t be much of a bet?
Well you’re wrong, cus this isn’t an alcohol detecting bracelet! This is a fashionable anklet that I’m wearing for charity. That’s right, just like those yellow Lance Armstrong thingies that everyone used to wear. But this one goes on your ankle, and it’s for um … Darfur. Yeah we should all get behind Darfur because it needs for us to be there for … it.
Anyway these anklets are the new hot things in Hollywood. Anyone who’s anyone has a Darfur anklet, like Bobby Brown, Tom Sizemore, Daniel Baldwin and Courtney Love, who has been wearing hers for an entire year. So take that, haters!
Well I gotta run, I’m going to party with some of my AA friends, we’re gonna sing Karaoke and chug Red Bull all night. Whoop-dee freakin’ doo!
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