Associated Press

Hey guys! My 14-year-old sister Ali says I’m her role model and people are freaking out. I’m a great model for roles, didn’t you all see the Monroe shoot? Anyway I thought I’d give my sis some advice to follow in my footsteps:

1. Don’t give blow j’s away for free.

Acceptable reasons – for a part, because you haven’t appeared in a tabloid in 3 weeks, because the guy said he thinks Hillary Duff could do it better.

2. Its Disney then porn shoots and not the other way around.

For some reasons the inverse just doesn’t hold true.

3. Scarlett Johansson is a goddamn whore.

4. You are a Lohan and that means something.

Wherever you go, not only do you represent yourself, but the entire Lohan clan. You should behave with dignity and a certain grace.

5. Don’t snort cocaine out of anyone’s crack.

See #4.