I've been in America a long time, and I know there's no law to stop the Red Sox from trading me to the Green Bay Packers. Therefore, I am requesting such a trade.
But I am not done yet. Here are some other trades I recommend the Red Sox make:
1. David Ortiz to Dominican Republic for my favorite cousin, Omar: Sorry, David. But my cousin and I love to play parcheesi together, and he is being denied a Visa. Plus, you stole my hair-scrunchy for the last time.
2. Curt Schilling to Hell for Satan: Because Curt Schilling talks shit about me, and Satan is younger, quieter, and pitches more shutouts.
3. Red Sox locker room to Harlem YMCA for their locker room: Because they probably have less mildew, feces and stench of failure.