What the hell is a Mindy McCready and how did she land an all star pitcher at 15? This bitch never even got photographed half-naked and she lands Roger Clemens. Well I'm sorry but there ain't no way a Mindy's topping a Miley.

So I've set my sights on my own all star pitcher. Now, like half of them are Mexicans, and Daddy don't play that. He says if I bring home anybody darker than him, then I'm getting a whipping. And those Japanese pitchers? I don't think so. I've got enough problems without going through life as Miley Ming Wang.

So it's Josh Beckett. He's kind of cute, and he was born in Texas which is the capitol of marrying 15-year-olds.

So Josh, maybe next time you're in LA you can sleaze on in to a 15 and under karaoke party where I'll be knocking them dead, and we can begin our own torrid affair for ten years until you become 37, fat, bald and gross, and I dump you.