Hey! You! Yes … you there … on the bike! Stop it there, boy. Come back for a moment so I can have a word with you.
Do you know what you did? No? Allow me to remind you.
Every morning I have the same routine: I brush my teeth, partake in a cinnamon bagel and grapefruit juice (giving me my daily intake of astuteness and tranquility) before coming outside to retrieve my morning paper. More often than not, my newspaper — the paper that I pay to subscribe to — is resting directly in my birdbath.
This birdbath, as I’m sure you are familiar with, is set up several feet from the designated area for my newspaper to be set on each morning. Why I discover it soaking in my birdbath, soggy and unreadable each morning, is beyond me.
It is, as any person knows, in our nature as human beings to make mistakes. But truthfully? Truthfully, I think you are doing this on purpose.
You must realize, boy… life is no fairy tale. There are actions and there are consequences for those actions. A man must realize that. And if he doesn’t? Well then he’s nothing more than a goddamn fool.
Which is it? Your decision.
You may be on your way.
Paper McPaperboy:
Well put, Mr. Freeman.
But may I remind you that birdbaths are for those of lesser intelligence, often referred to as "idiots" or "retards" and as a boy of thirteen it is my obligation to remind these people of lesser knowledge or social capacity of their position in life. Until you have removed this birdbath (a symbol of your douchiness) I shall forever be throwing your daily intake of global information into it. Rendering it completley useless.
See you tommorow morning Mr. Freeman, or shall I say, "Mr. Douchman"
3/5/2008 4:35 PMI shall now laugh in a juivinille manner as I ride off of my mount.