Miley Miley Miley.

Young lady you might not think it, but we’re not so different, you and I. You are at a crossroads; it is one that is quite familiar to me. Yes I’ve seen your photographs, and I’ve heard the chitchat of folks about town. But while it is far too late for me to change my skankish ways, for you it is not.

You see, I wasn’t always the cheap attention-crazed slut that people know me as today. Indeed, there was a time when I held myself to standards of dignity and respectability. Like yourself, my early career held much promise; films such as Lean on Me and Driving Miss Daisy established me as more than just another pretty face.

But then came that pressure, and I suspect you are familiar with it. Oh, how foolish I was! One minute they’re telling you to show a more intimate side, and the next thing you know your career is based entirely on your sex appeal, all of your artistic integrity is out the door, and you’re no longer a role model for tween girls!

I’ve spent decades trying to redeem myself, but alas Morgan Freeman will surely always remain synonymous with tramp. I’d hate for such a fate to fall on you, young lady.