When I saw that the media has begun writing about certain video game users creating pornographic characters, I thought I had better go public before the accusations begin. And so, my statement: I am not, nor have I ever been, a creator of sporn.

I can just see folks, upon glimpsing a picture of an exquisitely enormous-breasted transvestite wildebeest made in the Spore’s “Creature Creator” program, and jumping to conclusions. “This is clearly the work of Morgan Freeman,” they’ll surely say.

Well, let’s not spread rumors before we have the facts, is what I would say to that.

 Have I created creatures using the program in question? Most certainly. Perhaps you have seen my manatee king, with propellers for legs – his name is Apollo, and I am quite proud of his design. And even if I did dabble in the making of lascivious characters, would that be so deviant?

I have this friend, and he likes to make Sporn, see; he thinks there could be nothing more natural in the world than exploring one’s sexual curiosity with these magnificent creatures. Just last night, he created a very mischievous seahorse-panther named Carmen, who happens to have 14 vaginas on her head. Now why would anyone protest something as lovely as Carmen?