Can someone explain to me how millions of fools love the show Lost so much? If those sucka’s want suspense, subtext, and hidden layers of symbolism, they needn’t look further than reruns of The A-Team. And, while there’s plenty of relevant sociopolitical commentary woven in to every A-Team episode, the real magic happens during the commercials.

Ponder this pizza bagel commercial: For a few frames, a young child wearing a black martial arts can be seen karate kicking a basketball on a soccer-field. That’s deep. That’s the kind of commentary on the human condition that contemporary television refuses to grapple with. Sometimes, I want to punch television programming in the side of its head.