Imagine it, friends. You’re on the playground, watching your little daughter scream at your moron son for reasons indeterminable. A small child comes up to your bench, drawn to you perhaps by your magnanimous motherly glow or your glimmering blond hair.
She has a pink gun. “See my gun?” she asks.
“That’s a very nice toy, dear,” you say.
You see her finger tense on the trigger. Something is wrong.
You dive and roll, but she is already firing at you. You jump at her and try to hit her wrist, hoping to dislodge the weapon. But you slip and she steps on your neck. You’re staring down the barrel of a pretty pink glock.
“This case is dismissed,” she says. And then — BLAM BLAM. Two bullets straight through your brain. You’re dead.
There is UNDERSTANDABLE outrage over this online retailer, which promises to make guns pretty with colorful casings. These guns look like toys, but are in fact VERY REAL.
From a law enforcement perspective, there is only one solution to this problem, and that is MORE SHOOTING. Sure, nobody wants to shoot more kids. But with technology like this out there endangering lives, how do you know when you’re facing a toy gun or the REAL THING? And who’s to say that lollipop is not really a switchblade; that roller skate an improvised explosive device. I hate to say it, friends, but the answer is clear: my daughter will be carrying a real gun as soon as she develops the motor skills necessary to grip. That way, she can shoot any children who are playing with FAKE guns before they have a chance to appear to endanger her.