Associated Press

You know the first time I heard the name “Blackwater” I thought I was inside a James Bond movie — a James Bond movie where improvised explosives go off every other day and my cousin, Ahmed, left his wife widowed and his children fatherless after an American Daisy Cutter turned his village into a crater — but a James Bond movie, nonetheless.

Now when I hear the name “Blackwater” I think of the moment when Nouri Kamel Mohammed Hassan al-Maliki (that’s me) said, “ENOUGH!” After the latest reports of Blackwater security forces gunning down unarmed Iraqis surfaced I decided to put my foot down. America, if you’re reading this, Nouri has had it. I am insisting that you replace Blackwater. INSISTING!! That is a much more forceful than “requesting” and leagues above “begging” and while not quite as strong as “demanding” you might push me to it.

And if you think I’m stopping there, you have another thing coming. I run this country, America! I run this country!!

… you know, it’s sad when even you don’t believe yourself.

Sigh.