A culture is reeling after an act of terror disrupted ages of vaunted tradition. The conflict started on the penultimate episode of Bravo’s Top Chef. In a challenge involving a chicken, an onion, and a potato, female chef Casey (brazenly uncovered, I might add, face and hands exposed) prepared for some of the greatest chefs of this age a dish that she called “coq au vin“. This dish was made with a young chicken in only two hours. Last time I checked, that is not coq au vin. I do not mean to sound like a lunatic fundamentalist, but YOU CANNOT MAKE A COQ AU VIN IN TWO HOURS, ESPECIALLY WITH A YOUNG CHICKEN.

Coq au vin is made with an old bird. A “coq,” in fact. Have you become so culturally bereft that you cannot be bothered to preserve the most basic meanings of words in the romance languages? Even words that have direct cognates (”cock“) in your own gutter vernacular?

Photo by herrner via Flickr.

However, some of your cultural critics think that making such fundamental distinctions is pointless, and even refer to a pantheon of chefs such as Andre Soltner, Jacques Torres, and Cesare Casella (among many others) as “a panel of mulch-mouthed professors.” If I were the vindictive type, I would hunt down that writer and behead him on videotape for that sort of intellectual laziness. At the very least, he and all his ilk should be banned from watching actual decent cooking shows, and forced to watch nothing but that shrieking harridan Sandra Lee as she massacres classic dishes such as Moroccan Roasted Lamb with her bottled lemon pepper salad dressing. Truly, she is deprived not only of the blessings of Allah, but of the most basic human decency. Also, I should really cancel my subscription to Entertainment Weekly.

As always, it is Anthony Bourdain who states it most bluntly, and accurately. I may not admire the man’s associations, nor his constant over-indulgence, but he speaks the truth in all things. Like Muhammad alighting for heaven upon his white horse, when Andre Soltner evaluates someone’s performance in the kitchen, he’s speaking from the mountain top.

End of discussion, America.