Everyone needs a way to express themselves. There are many ways to do it. You can deliver long fiery speeches denouncing the West. You can build effigies which is fun if you like to work with your hands. You can decorate cave. But me—I do not really enjoy these things. I like to do something else. I like to dance.

Adagio, ballet, ballroom, and the boogie woogie—it's all good. And so am I. There is no other dancer in all of Waziristan who can touch this.

Hey Nigel—check out my Carolina Shag. You ain't never seen a scuff and bump like my scuff and bump. My contra body movement will blow your shaggy-headed mind.

When I dance I forget about all my other problems. Who cares about the Palestinian state when you can execute a perfect hook combination? Why bother with complicated plots against the evil empire when my lindy is hopping?

The world thinks many things when thinking of Osama, but when it is all said and done, you will remember me by my dance.