Can you be sassy and ominous at the same time? Can you write in a style that is both educational and enjoyable? Do you ooze talent? If you answered yes to my questions, you may be a perfect candidate to ghostwrite my memoir!
This book will address the struggles I sometimes face as the leader of a global jihad who has been forced to plot the demise of the West while moving from cave to cave. I don’t have a title yet, but I’m thinking something along the lines of “My Struggles.” I may also include some discussion of the atrocities being meted out to the Muslim world in contemporary times by the Western world, or I may keep politics out of it; haven’t decided yet.
My ghostwriter must be a man of Middle Eastern background who possesses ability to write in prose that is lively, fun, and entertaining; think David Sedaris, minus the homosexual, white infidel stuff.
If you are the man for the job, please submit a résumé and a 300 word response to one of the following questions (hint: be creative!):
- Can men prolong sex by thinking about baseball?
- How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?
- Compensation: Cannot pay, but college credit may be available.
NOT OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Barack Obama:
Yo Osama, I'm your man. We even got the same name. And I've already written 2 books, so I have experience.
10/27/2008 2:46 PMOsama bin Laden:
I hear that you covort with terriers?
10/27/2008 6:17 PMBarack Obama:
Osama, man, you misheard me. I "converted from terrorism." But it's just a trick, I still got your back.
10/28/2008 11:32 AMOsama bin Laden:
I'm going to convert your face from terrorism.. with my fist. Which is to say I wish to punch you.
10/28/2008 4:11 PMBarack Obama:
Chill baby, I wanna be your bud. Everybody loves me. I'll even redistribute some wealth your way.
10/29/2008 10:00 AMBill Clinton:
I don't love you. Palin, on the other hand, yummie!
10/29/2008 10:01 AMSarah Palin:
You betcha I'm yummie. And I'll pop a cap in your ass like you're a moose, you commie terrorist bastard!
11/24/2008 7:16 PMGeorge W. Bush:
I will be looking for a job come January, I'm thinking worl book tour 09'
10/28/2008 1:10 PMGeorge W. Bush:
Right after I create the Emancipation Proclamation Fornication Declaration! hehe.. By the way Obama, don't worry about anything at all, I securitified the white house when i was president. hehe, YAH!
11/24/2008 12:20 PMGeorge W. Bush:
Right after I create the Emancipation Proclamation Fornication Declaration! hehe.. By the way Obama, don't worry about anything at all, I securitified the white house when i was president. hehe, YAH!
11/24/2008 12:21 PMGeorge W. Bush:
Right after I create the Emancipation Proclamation Fornication Declaration! hehe.. By the way Obama, don't worry about anything at all, I securitified the white house when i was president. hehe, YAH!
11/24/2008 12:21 PMGeorge W. Bush:
Right after I create the Emancipation Proclamation Fornication Declaration! hehe.. By the way Obama, don't worry about anything at all, I securitified the white house when i was president. hehe, YAH!
11/24/2008 12:21 PMAmerican Idol Judges:
Aaaand your done bush.
11/24/2008 12:22 PMMark Cuban:
I think I'm pretty qualified for it: I'm rich, I hate the U.S. government, and I'm going to have a lot of free time on my hands for the next year or so.
11/24/2008 7:09 PMOsama bin Laden:
You are the one who dances with the stars, yes? Tell me: Why did no one ask Osama if he might like to dance with the stars?
11/25/2008 11:13 AMVladimir Putin:
No one asked me, either! I am a star! I want to dance like one!
11/25/2008 11:41 AM