Mattel just recalled 9 million toys because they were choking hazards and had dangerous amounts of lead.
You know what WASN’T recalled? The Paris Hilton Hello Kitty Doll! It’s perfectly safe to swallow! No lead there! In fact, it’s an excellent source of protein!
Put it on the Christmas list, kids! And if there’s a side market of 50 year-old men who live in their mom’s basement—that’s okay! I never say no to a fringe audience.
Mattel and I talked about making a Paris Hilton Barbie. But it didn’t work out. I asked them to make the prototype more flexible, but apparently they haven’t mastered the double-jointed hipbone in miniature plastics. So I decided that I’d hold out until technology could do me justice.
It’s all about the quality of the product, people. I don’t want the name “Paris Hilton” associated with anything cheap or useless. Or 11.5 inches tall.
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