My, my, my.  You know, Ol' Pat knows just about everything, but one thing he didn't know is that a piece of paper could be gay.  I mean, we all know now, thanks to my erudite pronouncements on the gay scourge, that in addition to humans being gay, other things, some animate some inanimate, can be gay as well.  For instance, to name a few:  ground squirrels, my son, exercise bikes, three-hole punchers, nike shoes (speculative still) and any unmarried woman.  But now, a piece of paper?!

Alas, it's true. California law recently gave gays the right to marry. 

I'm just going to go ahead and cite the darn scripture already, as no amount of logic can dispel this mistake as quickly. I cite the following biblical proscriptions on gay marriage in no particular order:

Corinthians 13: 15-17--

"Let it be known, that us heterosexuals call dibs on marriage.  Let these dibs resonate freely to all ears, both homosexual ears and the right kind, you know, the kind that are human and deserve God's love.  Also, if you're confused about the whole ear thing, remember the whole piercing thing: lefty-righty, righty-wrong."

John 8: 20-23--

"And Paul turned to Leviticus and the apostles as they got into Leviticus' car to go clubbing and he spaketh thusly: 'Hey, shotgun y'all.  Oh and also, God wanted me to say, "seatcheck on that marriage thing".'

Genesis 3: 13-17--

"No way.  No way man.  What next?  Driver's licenses?  No way man.  Period."

Case closed homo-devils.

(Photo credit: Associated Press)