This past week, I found out something about myself: I love being a football fan. It’s, like, way better than being a football player because you can get wasted and watch all the beer commercials. Hey, beer commercials are funny! I never knew that. And the Super Bowl has a bunch of beer commercials! Heaven!

I want to write a beer commercial. They should do one about farts. Like, you have two dudes sitting on a couch, right? And one of them farts and the other one is like, “Dude! Just for that, you need to go fetch me a Bud Light!”

How funny would that be. And then the guy comes back with the Bud Light, and as soon as he hands it to his friend, his friend farts! Haha! But right at that moment, another guy comes in with a lit cigar, which ignites the stinky gas, and the whole room goes up in purple flames. And they’re all standing there, burnt in a funny way, and the one dude says, “Dude, I asked for a BUD Light.” Then they all laugh.

Wait, this could be a movie.

The other thing I’m excited about - Petty’s playing! That guy looks like a serial killer. But he rawks!

I’m going to eat chili, I’m going to drink beer, and I am going to rock out to Petty. Who cares about the game? Does anybody care about the game? Man, being a football fan is great!