The unlikely fart face (AP)

You might have noticed on this blog that I rarely use strong curse language. But OH MY HOLY DOO-DOO!

Did you SEE?????? My little brother - or should I say “my hero!” stopped Dick Lips from winning the Super Bowl (and becoming the greatest quarterback of his generation)!

And did you see how he did it? Boy, I have a hangover. And the guys on ESPN won’t shut up. But here’s a recap:

So, there I was … Watching the so-called Big Game alone, in a dark creepy corner of a stadium box. Wasted out of my GOURD. Ash pissed at me. Daddy and Momma shaking their heads at me. Watching Dick Lips win again. Watching Eli pork himself in the butthole again. Watching my hopes of being the best quarterback of this generation go down the drain with another sack of Eli at third and five with little time remaining …

And that little dork brain somehow how ESCAPED from the sack! Just like he used to escape from me when I tried to stick his face in cat piss! And he threw the ball down the field and completed an awesome pass! And that led to the winning touchdown!

People - that’s when I knew. That’s when I knew all my hard work through the years — farting on Eli’s face, making him lick gross things, making fun of him for not having a girlfriend - finally got through and taught the kid something: Don’t give up! Never give up! Bite somebody in the ass or the balls before you give up!

In fact, him winning the Super Bowl is very much like me winning the Super Bowl. And him winning the Super Bowl MVP is really me winning the Super Bowl MVP (again). I think when he brings the trophies home, I’m going to take them and put ‘em in my room.

Most of all, I have learned something very important this year. It is this: You CAN be proud of your little brother, and not feel ashamed.

Eli … today I am not ashamed of you!