Now what's all this fussing? Politics? No, I don't imagine I have much time for that.
You want to know my concerns: This god damn clogged kitchen drain. Your bacon grease cools off eventually and then guess what happens? That's right genius, it congeals. That causes blockages, and don't even get me started on the long-term effects that Draino has on the health of your pipes.
Let me ask you something Chester Politician: When you were up there on the stage with all those shiny lights, bickering at each other over who called who what, how many leaks did you fix? How many septic tanks did you install? Don't answer. I think we both know. Probably less than me.
You think you understand our needs, but you are painfully out of touch. You give us your goldfish, your band aids, your sanitary napkins (despite very clearly demarcated signage) and what do you expect? So yes Chester Politician, we are a little cynical that anything will ever change.
Let me put it a way that you can understand. We're fighting two wars: a blocked drain in the kitchen and a leaky shower hose. You have to be across town for another appointment and Missy Housewife is bickering at you for charging a second hour.
The next president will have to face decisions about a third as stressful as that. And you want to tell ME what I need?
Arnold Schwarzenegger:
And people who try to shove a whole chicken into a garbage disposal. Who the fuck does that?
10/16/2008 2:04 PMBill Clinton:
I tried to put Hillary in the garbage disposal once.
10/16/2008 3:16 PMAnn Coulter:
Bill, like all Democrats, you're doing it wrong. You need to chop a Liberal into very small pieces, and feed them into the disposal a handful at a time. It works with puppies too.
10/16/2008 8:53 PMSenator John Yarmuth:
Have you tried wood chippers? They're a treat for disposing of kittens.
11/10/2008 2:57 PMAnthony Bourdain:
Don't you dare put a puppy down the garbage disposal
they are much better with a light duck sauce severed over steaming bread
10/17/2008 10:34 AMTom Cruise:
I once prayed to a garbage disposal.
10/17/2008 6:04 PMWall-E:
You pray to MY ass, Tommy!
10/17/2008 7:39 PMRachael Ray:
That's not bacon grease, its my liposuction byproduct.
10/17/2008 7:38 PMChristopher Walken:
Now that does sound tasty!
10/17/2008 9:17 PMSamuel L. Jackson:
Hey Chris, how 'bout you return my got-damn leather chaps. Them shits ain't cheap motherfucker.
11/11/2008 9:44 AMChristopher Walken:
You'll have to wrestle me for them Sam. I admit I am loath to give them up, seeing as they are now stained with the lovely Rachael's lipo goo.
11/11/2008 1:18 PMSamuel L. Jackson:
wrestle? I voted yes for prop 8, therefore I ain't with that funny shit. Nice try motherfucker.
11/14/2008 5:05 AM